Strength and Beauty
by Denaë Doyle

While working as a feminine image consultant for both genetic women and transgendered women, I have developed techniques to project a more convincing feminine image. Early on, after some frustration at not knowing how to conceal some of the male characteristics in some of my CD clients, it became obvious to me; I needed to understand more about the feminine side of a man's soul and his need to crossdress. I read all the transgendered books I could find and watched the videos available on the market. I took the time to listen to my clients. As I began to better understand their needs, their desires, and their dreams, I came up with a few of my own ideas that I began to implement in my teaching. The following may surprise you, coming from a feminine image consultant — so hold on to your wigs ladies!

Denaë Doyle

First, I feel it is essential for men who cross dress not to stereotype femininity. Often I find my new CD clients want to mimic images they see in magazines and in movies. This is an unrealistic goal not only for you, but for myself, and for my GG clients as well. And it is certainly not what being a woman is all about. To me, being a woman means expressing yourself from within.

Being a woman is combining one’s inner feelings with one’s outer appearance, allowing one’s self to be softer, kinder, perhaps even vulnerable at times, while also being more nurturing and loving. It also means letting go of some of your male strength, which is controlling, aggressive, or competitive. Often I see a TG woman who hasn't accepted the woman within because so much of her focus is only on the outside. As such, when dressed en femme, she comes across more like a man in a dress or, even worse, a totally narcissistic crossdresser, and no one wishes even to have a relationship with her. Now don't get me wrong, I strongly believe in working on the outer areas... mannerisms, makeup, hair and voice, yet there is so much more to enjoy about being a woman.

To solely focus only on your image is to ignore the most glorious part of the truly feminine experience. This is often hardest for my heterosexual crossdressers, more so than for my transsexuals, to understand. I often tell my clients to love, embrace, forgive, and accept the softer, gentler part of their soul, a part they have so often hidden due to guilt. Remember, you should try to achieve a cleansing, not a purging, of your true inner self. I hear my TG clients remark about how hard it is for them to forgive themselves. As difficult as it may seem for you, perhaps forgiveness could be the beginning of that cleansing. At the same time, being aware of keeping your male characteristics and lifestyle in balance with your feminine side can only lead to a more complete you.

I have seen that by integrating your female side with your male one, you can begin to know and love the person you truly are. You become a unique whole individual with personalities that can be blended — an incredible successful man and a loving, caring woman. Interestingly, your feminine persona can also add strength and understanding to your male side, thus allowing you more depth in your relationships. I truly feel that when those negative feelings of guilt, shame, or fear are present (and crossdressing certainly may generate these) it can grow into something ugly. Perhaps that is the situation when, erroneously, a cross dresser begins to "think" s/he should become a transsexual — when in reality s/he is clearly a serious cross dresser. Hopefully as your male side becomes softer and more accepting, you would choose to feel that dressing makes you a better and/or more complete person. You can have the best of both worlds all wrapped up into one whole person. Enjoy the strength of a noble man and the beauty of a nurturing female. I feel this honest acceptance of yourself, along with keeping dressing in balance, enables both you and your loved ones to better accept you.

My wish for all of you and your families is to find happiness in loving yourself.