I recently went bra shopping with a GG friend of whose name is Anna. She had recently lost some weight, was starting a new job and felt it was time to find a new bra to go with some new clothes she had recently purchased. Her top drawer contained only well worn bras that had been new (and fit well) a long time ago. She dreaded the task of find a new bra and asked me to come along with her. For most genetic women, for reasons I will talk about shortly, about the only thing worse than bra shopping is swimsuit shopping.

While I was out with Anna, it occurred to me that one of the differences between genetic and transgendered women is how they feel about bras. For many TG women, bras are emotionally powerful symbols. It’s not uncommon for my TG clients to have dozens or even hundreds of bras. There are often two sets of factors at work. The first is there are few garments that are more associated with the feminine that the bra. Only women wear bras. Anyone may wear pants, sweaters, coats, shoes, underpants, but only women wear bras. Hence to be a woman is to wear a bra and to wear a bra is to be a woman. The second factor is most men find bras (and the women wearing them) sexually attractive. Seeing a woman in a bra is seeing that which is forbidden and there is enough maleness in most TG women for this reflex to still be powerful. Between these two factors, bras exert a special emotional hold on many TG women.

Genetic women have a very different view of bras; at least once they are past puberty. Bras are something that we wear everyday, for most of the hours of the day. For most of us, wearing a bra is not optional but is something we must do. It’s often a struggle simply to find a bra that fits right and is comfortable– If the bra does not offer enough support, it hurts. If the straps are two thin and cut into our shoulders, it hurts–if the cups are too small, it hurts. Underwire bras offer lots of support but the wires often end up hurting us too. At the same time we want something that is pretty and feminine and not something our mother would wear.

In spite of all this, most of us have only a few bras in our drawers (far fewer than most tg women). We often have a few of our “every day” bras and a few more for special occasions that can range from exercise class to wearing that low cut sweater, to that special time with our guy.

Anna on this occasion was looking for a new “everyday” bra. Now Anna is a little taller than most women and after losing some weight is more thin than heavy. She has had several children, although it was a while ago. She is still a little busty even after the weight loss and so support is important to her. She normally wears a 36D or maybe 38C. We went to Macy’s since they a nice collection of bras, although they are anything but inexpensive. One of the things that makes bra shopping so hard is that many bras these days cost $25 or more and you really cannot tell if one will work until after you have bought it and worn it for a few days (after which its too late to return). What feels good for a few moments in dressing room can be really uncomfortable after a few hours at work.

We walked around the lingerie department at Macy’s looking for the right bra. There were lots of bras with an underwire but Anna found most of them uncomfortable even in the dressing room. Finally we found a very nice one by Bali called “Double Support”. It was a full coverage bra, which was not the sexiest bra in the world but was pretty and feminine and would work great as her “everyday” bra. It also came in cotton, which is a lot cooler to wear. Anna found it comfortable and felt okay about buying it. She even got it sale at $19, marked down from almost $30. Most full coverage bras are great for breast forms, too!
Denae

Greg, thanks for your email. I went sking recently, and my face, lips, and wet hair…convinced me to stay in California…Oh yes, and those ugly boots! Smiles..But seriously…I understand your problem…..when men do not dress everyday, they do not have the same skin care routine we do. I suggest you do begin using something, you keep in the car, or beside your bed. Most men do not think about covering their lips..until the lip color goes on. Here are some things you can do, while in guy mode…to help out.
Keep Balm and Carry
Your lips need a shield to stay in shape. A balm acts like a winterizing layer — like a hat or scarf — to provide a buffer between delicate skin and brutal weather– Not to mention you have hot, dry indoor air to contend with, so never let your lips go nude.
Web MD gives us several good products. Herewith some great suggestions, for winter chapping.
Skin heals better when it’s kept moist, I suggest wearing an emollient balm or ointment rather than a waxy stick treatment.” The goal is to form an occlusive barrier that seals in moisture while providing additional hydration with beneficial oils, Linder says. Plus, an occlusive agent will help seal deep cracks and splits from infection and irritation. For a non-waxy stick, the experts interviewed for this story like Avene Cold Cream Lip Balm, Fresh Sugar Lip Treatment, and Softlips Pure Pomegranate Organic Lip Conditioner.
Petrolatum is one of the most common occlusive agents, but also look for castor seed oil, shea butter, sunflower seed oil, or squalane to nourish cracked lips. Linder suggests ingredients such as hyaluronic acid, sodium PCA, and glycerin to ensure your lips stay moist. Wu suggests Kiehl’s Lip Balm #1 containing squalane and natural oils. The experts interviewed for this story also like the petrolatum-based Aquaphor Healing Ointment and Vaseline Lip Therapy.
Another ingredient to look for: SPF, even if you’re closer to a Pole than the Equator. The sun’s rays can cause damage even in sub-Arctic temperatures. If your lip skin has been compromised by UV rays, you’re more susceptible to dry lips. So a sun shield is crucial in the fight against lip flakes. Aveeno Lip Conditioner Essential Moisture SPF 15 and Blistex Lip Infusion SPF 15 won praise from the experts interviewed for this story.
Balms Away
There are some lip treatments that do more harm than good, says Steven K. Grekin, DO, clinical associate professor of dermatology at Des Moines University College of Osteopathic Medicine and Surgery in Iowa.
“Many ingredients can cause dryness and irritation, including eucalyptus, menthol, and camphor,” Grekin tells WebMD.
Acne-prone people may want to look for a petrolatum-free product, Wu says. Some people may find the ingredient clogs pores and causes blackheads or acne.
And avoid the products that come in little pots. “Dipping your finger in a jar just isn’t as sanitary as a tube applicator,” Linder says.
Sealing Your Lips
The key to avoiding cracked, flaky lips is to balm early and often. Wu advises wearing a thick layer of ointment to bed. “Many of us sleep with our mouths open, causing our lips to dry out.” Applying a treatment at bedtime means you’ll be less likely to wake up with chapping. One expert favorite: Neosporin Lip Health Overnight Renewal Therapy.
Buy a few tubes at the drugstore and keep them within arm’s reach at all times — stash one in the car, near the bed, at your desk. That way you don’t have to hunt down a tube to reapply.
Grekin also suggests using a humidifier in your home, especially at night, to keep your skin’s moisture levels replenished. Drinking plenty of water will also help fight dehydration, another cause of chapped lips

Hi Denae,
I loved your article on heels being someone who loves designer shoes I’ve recently purchased some shoes from Christian Louboutin, Christians Pigalli pump boasts a 5.25 inch heel with no platform, I can successfully walk all day in four inch heels with no issues at all but 5.25 has taken practice and has really even boosted my leg strength. I’ve found one of the biggest issues girls have is improper fitting, In the area where the ball of your feet are (the shoes box) must be snug but no too tight. One of the issues use trans girls have is our feet are usually wider then a gg’s foot so the shoe does not fit properly. I’m lucky enough to wear an 11 and have a narrow enough foot to fit in a woman’s shoe, many girls “vanity” size and buy shoes too small for them. I went to a club last Monday and danced for four hours in am Louboutin; although my legs were tired the balls of my feet were fine. Girls if you like the look of heels have your feet properly measured and get shoes that fit!

Hugs, stay pretty

Victoria

Denae to V:

Yes, I agree with you, most TGs need a WIDE shoe. I have written 2 or 3 blogs regarding this…as when a pair or shoes….are tight, there is no way anyone can have a graceful, feminine gait. In modeling school, I was taught by some of the best runway models. This was drilled in our head, constantly–that is for us to consider our “runway heels” as a “uniform piece of our wardrobe” needed for runway work.

If you watch professional ballroom dancing shown– now on television– most TG women will learn so
much by watching these graceful women. First, study their shoes! They generally have a “uniform heel” for ballroom dancing, which is a T-strap. That gives the dancer total support, as the heel is covered, there is a strap across the top of the foot, and the toes are covered and supported. Yet, it is a very feminine shoe. Girls must remember, it is not the shoe alone that makes a sexy, or feminine statement. It is the entire outfit. In fact, if one does a good job….your shoes will not be noticed…much. How many shoes do we see on the Red Carpet?

Victoria, you have brought up so many ideas inside my mind from working in the Fashion/Modeling/Fashion Merchandising business…since I was 21 yrs working in Houston TX for Neiman Marcus.I will share, some of these very hard learned pointers. Next point, the taller a girl is….the less thin her high heel can be. And, of course, the heavier your weight, the less thin a heel can be. This is simple engineering!! Now, this brings up the newer look—the shoe with the platform. If you’re tall and some heavier, the platform will give you additional support but still have you and your legs look thin, and have a sexy look. The toe, is actually MORE important…than the heel. Most will see the to shape of the shoe. If you wear a square toe, you will look less feminine. I also feel, a really tall girl (over 6 feet) should not wear flats…as flats will bring attention…to you being the poor tall girl, that can’t wear heels! So, do put a shorter heel on. Remember ladies, most gg’s average is about 5 foot 5 inches. Tall for a GG is 5 feet 8 inches to 5 feet 10 inches. When we (I say we because I am also tall, I am 5 foot 9 inches with no high hairstyle) and with hair I am about 5 feet 10 1/2 inches). Being tall and wearing a tall heel, can be difficult for any GG and TG. A few pointers, to get around wearing the taller heels. I have always brought attention to my face, and outfit, and voice. I have used lots of body language==which I have taught you, in my Feminine Movement Vol 1…which shows you hot to create curves and twist and turns in the body. And, remember to always slightly bend your elbows and bend possible… bringing your hands up around your bust line, face, and not allowing your arms and hands to simply hang down…. looking long. I also teach in Vol 1—who to bend your elbows slightly to create a shorter image. Also, break colors. Example, wear one color skirt, and another color blouse, creating a break in your height. Never wear white shoes, or shoes that bring attention to your feet.
.
Victoria– getting back to high heels. Try pull on stretch boots with a wedge heel, which is about 1 1/2 inches. You will look feminine, your legs will look sexy, you will have lots of good support with the wedge heel (and platform if you wish). Also, wear a Wide, and remember not tight or really pointed toes. They may look great in the store, but get back to your common sense…. regardless of how Hot they look!. Put both pairs on with hosiery, and walk around the shoe department. If you’re not totally sure, buy them. Take them home, and ASAP put a piece of masking tape on the bottom of the shoe and heel. Now, walk in them. Another runway trick! This allows you to walk in the shoe, but if they still hurt after one or two hours, take the tape off…and return them to the store…as the shoe will be perfectly flawless on the bottom, but wear hose. Also, after wearing your shoes, place them out on your patio and let the sun…air dry them. This helps with odor and with shrinkage. Also, another trick I learned at 19 yrs…. when doing a runway show and when I was told to wear a pair of shoes, that did hurt my feet. I bought a shoe stretcher; they are about $25.00 (go to QVC and type in shoe stretcher in their search box). You can widen them or stretch them at certain toe points. Lastly, walk in them about 20 mins a day, until they stretch out some on their own. But, honestly……take it from a girl who has purchased a zillion heels, just find a basic black shoe which fits. Pay more for better quality. Look for support and quality, with a 2 or 3-inch heel.

I often watch the TG women walking around the halls of all the TG conventions –when I attend as a speaker, and I watch girls walk! It is almost a comedy at times; someone should take a camera to SCC and just tape from the back. I feel, this would be a great learning tool, for all types of women!
One day, I was shopping in downtown San Francisco (at a wonderful area called Union Square) as they have the best high quality stores you can find. And, they have very tall street windows. After 6 or 7 hours of straight shopping, I glanced over and saw myself walking, and I didn’t recognize myself at first! I looked 11 yrs old walking in heels for the first time!

So, leave the sexy 4-5 inch heels for home, for play. But, for the girl that gets out in public and wants to blend and be taken seriously as a beautiful women walking (and has men jumping out of their seats to get another look at the beautiful girl that just walked by) then go to a quality shoe store, such as Nordstrom’s, Macy’s and others. Try on a “support shoe (remember the beautiful ball room dancers) that does not have to high of a heel, and perhaps get a shoe has an open toe, or open sides…. and try several pair on in a size 1/2 larger than the feminine size you normally wear, or try a Wide. Always take nylons to the shoe department, when trying on shoes for a better fit.

Thank you Miss V for your comments regarding heels. Ladies, send me your comments and questions, this gives me a direction to go, when writing the Blog. Plus, I would really like to answer your questions. There are probably hundreds of girls out there that have the same question as you! And, after teaching TG women for 12 years, and GG women for 24 years, I can answer your questions, and if not, I will research it! The FemImage Blog gets over fifteen thousand hits per week, so ladies….TALK TO US!!
Smiles,
Denae Doyle
FemImage

Joan At Breakfast

When the food arrived, I saw a change in Joan’s demeanor. As she picked up both the knife and fork, she became disconnected from me, from the room. I had seen this many times, in TG clients. The instinct to eat fast, and to take large bites, as if they are in a hurry to finish every last crumb as they gulp down their water. The contrast between her graceful appearance and the way she attacked her food—could not be more striking. I reached across e table and touched Joan on the arm, and reminded her of our conversations about eating in a graceful way, regardless of how hungry you are. I encouraged her to sit back and relax and to simply eat more slowly, while still chatting with me. Something as simple, as setting your fork down as you chew so you can enjoy the company of others. To make my point, we noticed a man sitting near us. When he reached for his glass and finished off the glass with a series of large gulps, before setting his glass down. The image could not be more masculine. Joan was surprised and mentioned she had never been aware of this before, but she quickly realized a masculine eating style clashed with her graceful appearance that she had worked so hard to achieve. As an exercise, I had her take a few small bites and then lay her fork down and to reflect and engage with me between bites. I could see Joan struggle with this, but after a while she began to eat in a more feminine way, and she later commented that she felt more feminine than ever, by breaking this old habit. One, which she had not realized she was even doing. It as an Ah-Ha Moment for Joan.

Once we were finished, our waitress was giving us the bill and told Joan how good she looked and how envious she was of Joan’s thin figure.
While getting in the car, Joan realized at 26 yrs old…. she could keep her thin figure, by being aware of how she eats and what she eats.

Joan and I meet for breakfast at a little place, for locals. Joaa is 26, tall and thin. She wears her hair long, but on this casual day…she pulled it back into a ponytail. Joan is always casual, and I have only seen her in jeans.
I decided to dress in jeans also, to not bring any attention to us. Dressed casually, so we would blend well with the other locals. I wore jeans, with a T-shirt, with a sweater I tied around my shoulders, in case it got cold later in the day. Joan wore a casual long sleeve red top, with nice fitting black jeans with black ankle boots and a casual tan bag thrown over her shoulder. We had to wait, to get a table and we found ourselves a little self-conscious standing in a crowded waiting area. Because she is tall, she became more anxious. . But, I noticed no one was paying any special attention, and I encouraged her to relax and to simply turn towards me and begin to chat softly—to make girl talk—as if we were just two tall girls out having breakfast. Finally, a young waitress called Joan’s name and showed us to our booth. Wow, Joan replied. That was difficult, I felt as if everyone was looking at me. I reminded her, of all the hard training we had done, and how her thin body moved more gracefully than most of the genetic women. She was relieved.

The waitress brought us coffee and menus, and told us she would return to take our order. I looked at the menu and decided upon something light. Scrambled eggs and toast. To my surprise, the thin Joan wanted to order the large breakfast platter, pancakes and all. When I heard this, I had to remind her not to order a meal for a large man, but instead one for a graceful, young woman who watches her figure. Joan quickly changed her order to fruit and yogurt, with eggs…a breakfast more suitable for the image she was trying to portray.

Our waitress appeared, and Joan ordered using her very best feminine voice., and was careful to keep her voice soft, and to smile and to make eye contact while giving her order to the waitress.
I had been watching Joan’s interaction carefully, so I was taken off guard when the waitress turned to me. I quickly recovered, gave her my order, and she left out table as she had done for everyone.
The lessons learned, to be continued!

Subject: Sitting too much could be deadly

Here’s a new warning from health experts: Sitting is deadly. Scientists are increasingly warning that sitting for prolonged periods — even if you also exercise regularly — could be bad for your health. And it doesn’t matter where the sitting takes place — at the office, at school, in the car or before a computer or TV — just the overall number of hours it occurs.

Research is preliminary, but several studies suggest people who spend most of their days sitting are more likely to be fat, have a heart attack or even die.

In an editorial published this week in the British Journal of Sports Medicine, Elin Ekblom-Bak of the Swedish School of Sport and Health Sciences suggested that authorities rethink how they define physical activity to highlight the dangers of sitting.

While health officials have issued guidelines recommending minimum amounts of physical activity, they haven’t suggested people try to limit how much time they spend in a seated position.

“After four hours of sitting, the body starts to send harmful signals,” Ekblom-Bak said. She explained that genes regulating the amount of glucose and fat in the body start to shut down.

Even for people who exercise, spending long stretches of time sitting at a desk is still harmful. Tim Armstrong, a physical activity expert at the World Health Organization, said people who exercise every day — but still spend a lot of time sitting — might get more benefit if that exercise were spread across the day, rather than in a single bout.

That wasn’t welcome news for Aytekin Can, 31, who works at a London financial company, and spends most of his days sitting in front of a computer. Several evenings a week, Can also teaches jiu jitsu, a Japanese martial art involving wrestling, and also does Thai boxing.

“I’m sure there are some detrimental effects of staying still for too long, but I hope that being active when I can helps,” he said. “I wouldn’t want to think the sitting could be that dangerous.”

Still, in a study published last year that tracked more than 17,000 Canadians for about a dozen years, researchers found people who sat more had a higher death risk, independently of whether or not they exercised.

“We don’t have enough evidence yet to say how much sitting is bad,” said Peter Katzmarzyk of the Pennington Biomedical Research Center in Baton Rouge, who led the Canadian study. “But it seems the more you can get up and interrupt this sedentary behavior, the better.”

Hello Ladies, I hope all of you had a great New Years Eve, and had a chance to party some!

There are many new TG Conventions coming up. Be All, Gold Rush, Expirit, SCC.  If anyone has a copy of all the conventions, would you please email the dates to me? I am putting my 2010 travel calender together, and this year, I have promised to speak at new conventions.

I feel terrible for all of you on the east coast~ here in California we have only had 2 days of rain…and everyday is about 65 degrees. So, if any of you want to get out of the cold weather, and visit the Bay area, to contact me for a consultation. Besides the beach is beautiful!

I would love to hear from all of you!

Denae

Mary at Symphony

 When Sat afternoon rolled around, I realized I needed to begin getting dressed. I looked through my closet, to select something for the event. I found several  cocktail dresses or a dressy suit, which would be ideal for the occasion. After trying on several things, I decided on a black dress I had worn before and gotten several compliments on. I decided on makeup, which was more colorful, than my daytime look.  Hair, up in a French Twist, for a really sophisticed look, and I was off to San Francisco to meet Mary for drinks. There was extra traffic and I arrived a little late, at the hotel lobby where we agreed to meet.  I found Mary sitting at a table, talking with a couple from out of town, who were sitting near by.  When I approached, Mary gave me a big smile, and introduced her new friends.  Wow, was I impressed at how well she was doing. The four of us sat for a while, and chatted as we gave them a list of interesting places to sight see in the city. It was soon time to go, and we said our good-byes.

Since San Francisco has little parking, we caught a cab to Davies Hall. As we entered the crowed lobby, Mary held back for a moment, a bit over whelmed at the sight of so many people. Mary had gone out in public extensively, but usually had encountered small groups or individuals. She had never been to a place, with hundreds of people in a crowded area. I took her arm, and glided her over to the ticket window, where we picked up pre-ordered tickets. From there, we glided over to the doors to the symphony hall, where the attendants smiled at us and told us to have a nice evening.

There was a ladies room, right by the entrance…so we decided to freshen up before the performance.  We walked in, and as usual had to wait in line for an open stall. Afterwards, we washed our hands; freshen up our makeup and wind blown hair. None of the other women seemed to take notice of Mary. We casually walked up the grandstand way to locate our seats. We received a program from an usher who showed us to our seats, which was in a very full section. We were sitting in the middle of the row, and had to side step past many people. I could feel Mary getting tense, once again with the crowded situation, but I encouraged her to continue to go forward. We ending up, sitting down to an older couple, who greeted us and we discovered they were regular symphony attendee’s. The older gentleman insisted on telling us the life history of the composer, which we found very interesting, and Mary began asking him questions, which he was happy to answer. Soon the lights dimmed and the performance began.

An hour later, at intermission the two of us decided to stretch our legs and navigated past the people in our row and went out into the lobby. Mary decided to purchase a bottle of water, but the line was very long. Eventually, we reached the front and a young man said; “Hello ladies, what would you like”? We both ordered water, and of course asked for a straw! We walked out on one of the old balconies, for fresh air and saw the lights of the San Francisco City Hall. Mary was beaming, and very confident now.  Her shyness seems to have dissipated with each successful encounter. All that training, paid off. She turned to me and thanked me for being her coach, and reaching a level she thought…. would never be possible. We took a moment to reflect back on her first awkward outings with me…when this could have only been a dream. I smiled, gave her a hug, as we retuned to the auditorium.

Hello Ladies;

I wanted to tell you about my work–not the instructional consults, but the outside coaching.  Part of my work, is to go out with clients who have trained with me previously and who want to experience more real life situations. I want to tell you about Mary and our consult going to the symphy. Mary is about 35-40 years old, she is about 5’8” and she wants to always dress classy.  And Mary has had several consults with me, on movement, makeup and voice,  and shopping consults. 

Mary recently contacted me because she wanted to go to the symphy and didn’t want to go alone. Now, Mary passes fine in public,  but this was her first large public gathering. She loves classical musical music and the symphony was playing one of her favorite pieces.

 So, Mary arraged for great seats, and I was excited about going. But, our first assigment was…getting Mary something new to wear…to make this a very special occasion for her. So, several days before the performance, we met at Macy’s to pick out her outfit. We didn’t want to select something very dressy that she couldn’t wear other places, but something that would be suitable for any late night event. As we looked around Macy’s, a sales lady helped us pick out three dresses which all of us love. .

The first was simple  basic black dress made of a form fitting fabric, that  accernuated Mary’s curves. Mary loved this dress, as she has just purchased some black pumps which would go with the dress perfectly. Our second selection was a light blue dress, with long sleeves….almost sky blue. The blue went well with the new blonde wig, I had purchased with her lasgt year and it brought out the blue in her eyes. I suggested, it would help if she added a touch of blue eyeliner. Wow, her eyes would just pop! The third dress was a green, wrap style… and she felt  the belt would  emphasized her new waist line. So, which to choose, since Mary looked good in all of them. In the end, we decided to go with the green dress, as she could dress it down and wear it other places. The sales woman agreed with our choice. 

We left Macy’s, said goodbye, and agreed to meet again on Sat for drinks before the performance. So, stay tuned, I will report on  details on how the evening progressed/