Denae Doyle’s Thoughts on Feminine Image

Do’s and Don’ts For Your Wardrobe At A Wedding

Do use good judgment if the invitation doesn’t specify the formality of the event. A pastel suit or soft floral dress for daytime or a little black dress for evening (after 6 p.m.) will take you almost anywhere. Please ladies, leave your casual clothing at home. This is your time, to shine!

Denae

Thank You For So Many Great “Comments”

Many of you have emailed the blog, some great “comments” for others to read. Keep them coming, as this site/blog can be your site for tg image related questions and help.

Jasmine, you ask about “other” hair salons. Hair, is so difficult for ALL women, gentic girls (GG’s) and TG. I have many genetic women clients, who have “thin, fine hair”. And, most all TG women, will find they have thinner hair than most genetic women. When, the wig goes off, many of you see the “male” face. I am a broken record on this, but here I go one more time! Finding a good hair salon (not WIG SHOP) is 100% key to having your new feminine hair look natural and authentic. Some full time women, lose the interest and desire for spend a lot of time on their hair. The thick, heavy wig is often the first thing they decide to take off, and they believe growing out their “male” hair…is the best option.  NO. NO.  I have  only a “hand-full” of full time clients who can actually grow out their own hair…as they have

1. thick enough head  of full hair

2.with no balding spots and no

3. receding hair lines….

4. who know how to color and style their own hair.

5. they have hair, but do put implants in the front receding hair lines. This does work, but it also expensive.

6. have facial surgery, that lowers their receding hair line. However, if they are bald, this leaves a scar across the forehead. They must then have a parital made that glues on the top to cover the scar.

Now, this is very important for you to really consider, before tossing that wig.

Again, I have said the one thing you will wear every day and will determine how well you pass…is your hair/wig/partial and if you have to save for a year or two, then so be. Most gg’s over 40 yrs old,  spend about $125.00 every 6 weeks to color and cut their hair! So, get on board.

If you have male “thinning and some balding” find a good hair SALON that makes partials, and who carry quality wigs. You can pull your own hair, through the holes of a partial made to match your own hair and head.  If your completely bald on top, another type of partial can be made for you. You will shave the top of your head every 4 weeks, and then apply glue. The partial, will be applied to the top, bald area, and you will grow out your side and back…to blend in. Is this a lot to keep up? Yes. But, if you do not want to wear a full wig, this is the answer I have come up with, and have made for many blad, or severe thinning clients.

I have received so many emails, asking me where to go in your area for a hair salon. I don’t know, any area but here in the San Francisco area. Begin, with a web search for a salon in your general area. Ask others. If you research it enough, you will find someone! If you don’t, perhaps you can plan one trip to San Francisco and arrange to have one put together for you. Email me directly, if you would like me to help you with this, we can do a phone consultation and photos.

Next, find someone who will help you with cleaning and styling your wig/parital or glue on. The people who make this for you, should be able to have your wig shipped back to them for cleaning, and they ship it back to you within a week. With time, you will want to have two identical hair applicances, so you can wear one while you ship another.

Also, check with wig stores that do carry wigs for cancer patients, as they generally have a better wig. A better wig is thinner on the top crown, and you can see a little “pink” scalp through the crown and bangs. They are not expensive, and have both real human hair and quality rayon. Perhaps do a goggle search for this type of wig shop…. in a large city near you. This is your best choice, if you can not locate a quality salon. Good luck Jasmine, I hope this helps.

Denae

SCC 2008

Southern Comfort will be this Sept, in Atlanta. I have their web site, listed under Seminars on my web buttons. They have re-located to a new hotel, so check their web site out. They have some new speakers you may enjoy!

Denae

Time Line

Happy Labor Day!

On a recent consultation, I get very worried when someone felt they were going to transition, within a short amount of time. Often, this happens when working with a gender therapists, they encourage the girl to have a one year, real life test, while obtaining hormones. While I understand the process, I see another side …of the transition. “Time”.

 Many tg women, simply need more time to establish their look, their confidence, and their job security. I suggest a one year, two year, three year time line. Make your own time line based on your financial status, body type, and where you are on the GID spectrum.  First, place the “have to” items you will need to put income aside for. This would be electrolisis for the heavy beard area, therapy, and basic clothing that fits and is comfortable, that fits your life style. In the second year, I suggest investing in any hair applications, even hair plugs for the male receding area. Or, if you do have thin, but some balding…then plan on having a “partial” made…which uses your male hair and is made with “holes” to pull your own hair through and your male hair and the partial are blended together for fuller, longer hair…and they can include bangs on your partial.  These are great, and I had my first partial made, over 12 years ago, when I want “more hair” for an evening gown event. Next, dental work. Or, any skin repair. Next, if you can plan on any facial work–as most genetic born males have larger noses, this might be one area, (with the adams apple) you would consider doing. I don’t always agree, everyone needs all the major facial surgery, as “some” facial surgery is often best and is more affordable for a majority of girls.

 One needs, a few key pieces for their wardrobe, that are quality…such as a great leather hand-bag, a quality winter coat, several pair of quality shoes, that don’t hurt your feet. And, losing weight, before you invest in these more expensive items.  Think about the time line that is right for you, and don’t let anyone push you any faster than you can “afford” to go. Slow it down, and do it right! And, you will look much prettier, with the right amount of time and energy put in. If one hasn’t lost any weight, or learned to curl their wig/parital/hair, or obtained a new voice that is comfortable to use most of the time, then please don’t think just taking hormones will make you into a beautiful woman. Write down all the areas you need to work on, how much money and time… it will take to “get it right”. And how this fits into your family obligations. Fight the impulse, to jump. I have to say it again, this is a process, and there is no “quick” goal. If it were that simple, we would see more girls transitioning, and looking wonderful, keeping their jobs and family. I have a group of clients, that I always say….are my very best. What sets them apart? They have worked on their feminine look, very hard, for years. This is the only way, one can afford to do this, anyway!

What are your goals? What areas do you need to really work on, before you will really look the way you want? What is your financial status? Most, need to continue to work in guy mode to pay the bills and to finance looking better.

If you have previous experience, please email me…and I would love to post your experience.

PS: There are some great Labor Day sales summer items.

Denae

SO’s

Spouses. This is a difficult one. However, as with any problem one experiences in their family, one must get educated and make their own decisions and create a new boundary. I realize, I am more understanding of men with GID than many genetic women, as…my older brother told me…when we were 5 yrs and 7 yrs…that he felt like a girl. I have seen the “emotional” torture…that ignorant people put upon him. I would support someone I loved, regardless of GID or cancer.  If your SO is “out of control” then immdediate, honest, communication must happen, and a new set of rules must be established. Many couples decide to only dress when together, while others prefer to not have their SO see them dressed (as they get embarressed and still like to be a “man” for their wife). But, discuss, stay close, and work out what you can to stay together. TG’s should not “force” this on family, if they are not ready.

How Much Time, Energy, and Desire It Takes To Dress Everyday

Hi- I wanted to write some of my own thoughts, about the amount of time, energy, finances, and planning it takes to dress (everyday). I recently had a run of consults everyday, along with several family obligations, and a 10 week old puppy. I found myself, getting overwhelmed…when I had not planned ahead….on what I was wearing each day while seeing 4 different clients for 2 days per client, having my hair trimmed, colored, and conditioned, doing my nails, and not having the best color of hose to wear, with a white outfit that got blue ink on it, and going to the dermatologist to get a sun spot taken off my arm, not having a purse..to match my shoes, needing to iron my causal day time jeans and blouses, and running to the shoe repair to get my leather purses cleaned, and tips put on my heels, and to pick up several items at the drug store, needed for makeup and skin issues (which is never under $100.00 for one drug store run). Not to mention, going to the gym, going shopping for clothing items, preparing meals, taking vitamins, and working with my stretching coach..who never lets me off for one visit. And, this is a daily, weekly way of life for any women, who wants to look feminine and put together. Having casual outfits, and work outfits, also presents double work and finances.

As I was rushing about, getting really nervous with the amount of time it takes to really get my look right, I had to stop and think about how this must be for my TG client who doesn’t dress everyday or who does not have time, to plan ahead. Looking feminine, and pulled together, is a full time job. Every week, I have to think ahead. What will I wear for on different days for different situations, what day do I wash my hair,what items do I take to the cleaners, what items do I hand wash, what items do I iron, when to go to the nail salon, go to the dentist, go to the dermatogist, go and get tons of little items for the drug store, time to go to the shoe repair for heels that have had the leather torn, time to polish my silver jewelry, time to tan my body, time to prepare meals that are healthy and low fat, time to go to the gym time to work with my personal coach,  on and on. Like anything, it takes planning. Now, I have not mentioned, time to be with the people in my life or time for anything relaxing. In the nut shell, it takes a ton….of time, energy, planning, shopping, and thinking ahead…to be a woman.

Since I started teaching self improvement and modeling, professionally at 19 years old, I was forced very early, to learn the importance of working ahead from the older models who were my mentors. Now,  I see many serious tg’s who find a lot of satisfaction in dressing on the weekends…spending hours….putting on their makeup, and selecting what pair of 4 inch heels to wear. Okay, I get all that, and I have also do that, for special events. But, for you ladies…who plan to do this every day…I suggest you give yourself a one or two month…real life test. Oh, not the kind of real life test…many of my clients…do with their therapists….but your own real life test–where you dress everyday, even if it is to go outside and get your mail. It is important to see, if you have the organizational skills, needed to really pull this off, on a daily basis. It is very different when one “Gets To Dress” instead of when “One Has To Dress”. I say this from the bottom of my heart, and you must believe me when I say…you must be 100% prepared. It is no different than someone saying, they are going to lose weight and go the gym everyday. Or, any goal. But, this is your real life. If you find, it is to difficult to do this everyday, or if you find you do not have a clue what a jewel neckline is or a gore pleat, then…it is important to slow down and learn to get it right. Many CD’s are coming from a male brain, of “I can accomplish this goal”. However, living full time, is not a goal. It is a day to day process that is always changing. With each stage of life, another process, another way of looking, another adjustment.

Men do not have to change their look. They sorta fall into whatever nature brings. A woman, has to constantly..upgrade her look. This takes time, money, planning, and you have to know what you’re doing. Of course, there are many women out there, that don’t try. All one must do, is sit on a bench in any city in any mall. But, to look…like the fantasy you see in your mind, takes a lot of work. I say this, not to be mean. But,…. so you go into this with all eyes open and…not on a compulsive thought. Also, women always think of how they are effecting their family and their children. Women, multi task.

I have been listening to some new material… from Dr. John Gray on the difference between men and womens brains. It made me realize, how much my TS clients, need to learn…as their hard wiring, does not  allow them to think or do things, in the way a gg does naturally. If you feel, this is true for you, not to get upset. Just slow down. Do research into wardrobe. Find mentors. Get educated. This is not a game, this is your life. And, living in a womans world, may look like fun, but it is far from all fun–without putting in the hours needed…for the “fun” feedback.

So, as I sit here, with a puppy eating the leather off my new heels, with a French Tip that just broke (great I have to go back to the nail salon), with hot rollers in my hair, and getting prepared for a very busy weekend– of planning at least 3-4 wardrobe changes….I wonder….. what it would feel like, to not have to think about what you’re wearing.  

I would love to hear from any full time girls, who have learned…the shift!

Have a good weekend, stay out of the sun!

Denae