Hi Ladies, this is Denae. Gosh, many of you have emailed me…. and your “sisters”… on the COMMENTS.

So, be sure and take a look. I was thinking, if a chat room, for image related issues…would be something most of you would like? Let me know your thoughts, and if it would be helpful…I will ask my web mistress…to look into the details.

Any questions from you ladies? It is forth of July 08. I just returned from New York, and I am tardy in posting, so please excuse me. I do have a reply for “Shelia” who has a disability …with one leg… and asks about transition.

Shelia, I suppose…we all have to be true to ourselves. If you have tried everything, and you truly feel…you must live full time…then perhaps you can’t let a disability stop you from transition. Of course, you will have to work very hard, at your weak points, and bring out your stronger areas. All of us…have a disability of some sort. For many tg women…they are very tall…or have large hands. Or, have lost a lot of their male hair and must wear a “partial” while in femme mode. I have had clients with:arthritis, aids, depression, and yes a few with severe walking problems.

I always have to remember the Tara Banks show, when she had women wear clothing they thought was “Prada”. The girls walked so confidently, thinking they were wearing Prada clothing that cost hundreds. When Tara told them, they had switched the labels and they were wearing a dress from a discount store…the girls were shocked.  Tara  then….had these girls put on dark green large garbage bags, and walk with the previous ”attitude” and confidence…along side of her…wearing these garbage bags. And, they did walk like they were beautiful, in these garbage bags. The point is this.

Many young genetic girls and most new tg’s…feel..it is “about” the clothing, the dress, the skirt. Yes, while the clothing does make us “feel” better and therefore we “project” more confidence in ourselves…the reality is…we can be wearing a pair of jeans and walk with attitude. Now, I realize this is wear the rubber meets the road…with tg’s. Most,  new cd’s do need the clothing, to feel like …a woman. If you ladies, can think about how this applies to you…I think it would help. Why? Because many pre-op ts women..spend a lot of time dressing. Then, after the testosterone is gone…they are not as motivated in spending as much time…in getting dressed. Not all lose the interest in spending the many hours required to look really pretty, but a lot do. It takes so many hours, for me each week…to just maintain my look. This is something men…have never had to do. And, in reality don’t know how to do. I see, so many on “impulse” transition in 12 months or less, to only find themselves…not knowing how to roll their hair, pick their clothing, how to speak in a feminine voice. They have never interviewed for a job, BEFORE they transitioned, and they never took a fun class before. They, are not prepared for the amount of:time, effort, money, shopping, exercise, wardrobe prep, washing and ironing of clothing, hair coloring, hair rollers, hot rollers, shaving legs, having casual outfits, dressy outfits, work outfits, jeans, etc etc etc. I see many rush through in 12 months. I genetic girl, can’t learn this in 12 months. So, Shelia, if you’re prepared to do this amount of work…I feel you will do as well as many tg’s who do not have a disability and are over confident about “how easy it is to be a woman”. It is just as difficult to be an attractive women, over 35 years, as it is to maintain a strong high paying career as a man. For any woman over 40, it is very difficult to even “be on the market”. I see so many, not think this out and many just dont think they need help. I am a strong believer in “coaches” and I have always used them. I had my first coach when entering a pageant. I had NO idea how to do this, and I hired someone who had. I placed that year and I would not have placed, had I thought…”whats so hard about being a woman”. I am always looking for a mentor, to show me the land, I have not walked on. Of course, my biggest mentor was…my modeling instructor. Even, now I have a new 14 week old puppy, and I have a “puppy coach” that cost me, more than I charge for my ts private consultation training. So, I have never understood how so many un-prepared tg’s transition at work, and slowly begin to lose everything.

So, please consider, how you walk, how you enter a room, how you walk in…and be sure..you’re not only relying on the clothing do “do the walking” for you. If so, this is something one must really consider…if you are thinking you’re ts full time…and maybe it would be best…if you crossdress for a while and see how this shakes out for you. I have no investment, if my clients are serious CD or is they transition. I work with them, the same amount of time. However, many therapists and doctors DO have a vested interest in transition. So, please do consider where you are on the spectrum, and if this is about the “clothing” and it is a “turn on”…then perhaps that is just okay. And, taking it any further would just ruin what you have. I do see many that feel, the fun is over, after transition. While, others are very happy. Please be sure where you are on the spectrum before you jump. I advise, go slow. It takes my gentic women….about 3 years to learn movement, and makeup and how to “be in their bodies”. I will write next, about that issue. I just worked with a 12 yr old genetic girl, who could not “be in her body” but stayed up in her thoughts. It is much like playing a sport or playing an instrument. You have to be in your body and not allow your thoughts to run wild. I call it my “monkey mind” as it just thinks about everything..and my movement will fall out. In modeling they taught us to stay down, in our body and to wiggle our toes and fingers to stay in our body, so we can move in a fluid way. For a tg, this is very important, if you get lost in your “monkey mind” you will revert back to your male way of moving, while in feminine mode…and not even know it!!

 Shelia, I hope this diatribe, did answer your question, regarding having a disability and transition.

I love hearing from you girls. Check out the COMMENTS for all your questions and comments. Have a great 4th of July and oh gosh what a great time to wear red!!

Denae

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